Injury [noun] ~ /ˈɪn.dʒər.i/
"Physical harm or damage to someone's body caused by an accident or an attack"
By this time you probably already know how much I love clichés.
You know, those sayings that we hear every day which have some sort of philosophical meaning that is supposed to make us feel empowered and determined to reach our goals and do all those difficult things we once set out to do and blah blah blah.
I have come to the conclusion that those clichés are true only if you really live them and make them part of you. There is no point on leaving the couch for 30 minutes to try and do something that empowers you, if the feeling only lasts for so long and you go back to your old bad habits.
Today I was driving home and one of those came to my head. Not sure why it came or why I thought of it at that right moment, but it made me feel good about myself, because I still have that fire in me to continue pushing to do all those hard things I always talk about.
I will ellaborate on this a bit at the end.
About 12 weeks ago whilst playing five a side football with some friends, a bloke stepped on my left foot right at the top of the tarsal bones. It was painful, and the fact he was wearing proper boots with studs made it even worst.
As I kept playing through the pain, it subsided and I thought nothing more of it. I went home, took a shower and went to bed.
This was just the beginning.
The pain and inflammation was excrutiating next morning. I could not go down the stairs or walk comfortably. I continued to push through this pain for a few weeks, and kept training as normal as I could, doing the usual cold/hot treatment, massage and stretching which helped up to a certain extend, but eventually the pain got to be too much and I had to see the specialist.
The x-rays did not show any fractures, which was a big relief at the time. The doctor decided to apply an injection with corticosteroids right in the area, and said I needed to rest for about 3 to 4 days before returning to normal activity.
I kept pushing through it, and eventually the inflammation subsided. I felt better and returned to sport. However, a small nagging throbbing sensation kept bothering me, sometimes with some pain, so I returned to the doctor to check it further, and an MRI scan was requested.
After a few days the doctor called with the 'good news'. The structure of my foot was intact, and my ligaments and tendonds were in good condition, but there was some inflammation left still, and there was a possibility that I had some minor nerve damage cauisng the throbbing sensation, so the doctor sent me for some physiotherapy, which I am going through at the moment.
I don't really get stuck thinking about the things that could have been or should have done, but rather on the things I want to be, or the goals I want to achieve. This setback has really messed up with my head in a lot of ways. I keep trying to make the best out of it and focus not just on my recovery but also on my emotions and how I feel everytime the sensation in my foot is not good. I focus on it and work really hard on making sure I am not making it worse.
I got the all clear by the doctor, the physio and my trainer.
I returned to my sport and it took me a while to manage the training load and intensity in a way that is still enjoyable and I could see progress. I hate being stuck doing the same thing with no improvements.
I remember telling my coach that I felt 'Things are going too slow', to which he replied: 'Maybe you are going too fast'. That really woke me up to the reality I was facing. You cannot outrun bad habits. My coach is amazing in that sense, always so pragmatic and having a great lense on things when all I see is the finish line.
Sometimes we set ourselves a goal so big that no matter what challenge or obstacle comes across our way, we deal with it and destroy it. This is how I feel now, because no matter what, I am going to honour my dad this year, and do the best race I can, for him.
I am all in. No matter what.
I am conscious of the fact that setbacks happen, but I am not used to them lasting for so damn long, because it messes up with my discipline. But it is in those moments when I lock my eyes on my absolute goal. That one thing that makes me wake up early. That one thing that no matter what happens, it does not change, it does not move, is always there.
Today that one thing is very clear to me:
My dad.
And this brings me back to the first part of this blog. Those clichés we are used to hear every day, but never pay attention to or simply don't care.
Today, just like every other day, I am living through all the emotions that it brings me just visualizing myself crossing the finish line, making my dad proud. Because he once lived through a race with me, sending me messages of encouragement, and he felt so proud that my heart was just fillled with happiness and love for him and for what we worked so hard to finish. For what it meant to us, becasue we did it for mom and it made him happy, and nothing made me more proud in my life than seeing my parents happy. Their smile. Priceless.
So today I make my statement.
I am not gone, not by a long shot. On the contrary, I am most definitely back, and I am not going anywhere. Even if I have to carry my left foot across the finish line myself.
I continue to live my everyday with one simple thought in my head:
You never realize how strong you are, until being strong is the only choice you have.
Bob Marley said that. Cliché and all, it has proven true to me since the day my dad left this world. And I miss him, for the life of me how much I miss him, and always will.
Thanks for reading.
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