no-man's-land [noun] ~ /ˈnəʊ.mænz.lænd/
"The ambiguous region between two states or conditions, usually containing some features of both."
"An indeterminate or undefined place or state."
"A situation where there are no rules, or that no one understands or controls because it belongs neither to one type nor another."
There is a feeling when you reach a goal that is quite difficult to compare with reality. The joy of a challenge well executed, and that high you get when you finally have done that huge thing you set out to do. I have had these feelings many times in my life, and the accomplishment that comes from those is remarkably something that will stay with me forever.
But there is another side.
Goals that are so difficult to reach, also follow a big emotional gap. Anyone who has done this can tell you. You set a ceiling so high that the limits of your strenght are tested. The effort and investment you put into these things is such that everything else at some point becomes irrelevant.
And then you do it.
None of the above accounts for those points in your life where something happens that makes everything crumble in front of you. No amount of strenght will ever prepare you to deal with those events in your life that completely change you.
It is there and then when you question everything. Your ability to change and adapt. Your mental and physical strenght to deal with situations that were not part of the plan. This happened to me. And as much as I wanted for it to get better and improve. The more I tried, the harder it got. It was a mammoth task. I was not prepared for this.
Then you question yourself.
Is this where the road ends?
I have been fighting these demons for 15 months. I have had lows and highs. I got into a comfort zone I never wanted to get out of.
I tried to train, I got help, I kept pushing and griding. I drained myself trying to break through a wall that was so hard and high, that I just gave up.
There are moments in life when we question our own goals. We measure our success based on our failures, and that is wrong, that is fucking wrong. There is more to this life than living in the sorrow of what couldn't be, or the things we did not accomplish, or the events that took us down.
I am here, I am alive.
I love life.
I love to feel the air in my face when running in the fields.
I love feeling the water when it rains.
I love hugging my kids good night.
I love my family and my friends.
This work in progress has proven more difficult than I expected. This was not the year of redemption, but it also was not a failure. I still cry about losing my parents, and that is fine. Is not something I have to adverstise to anyone. It is my own to deal with.
Whenever I feel like this, I remember that I am here, and most importantly, I am alive.
That is the main point of this ride, and something that I have engraved in my brain ......
One life.
Thanks for reading.
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