Regrets

Hope [noun] ~ /həʊp/

"A feeling of expectation and desire for a particular thing to happen."

Many times we ask ourselves what do we want from life?. Where do we want to go and what do we want to achieve when our golden years are upon us and we prepare to enjoy the quietness and solace of our busy life for the years to come, the final years of our journey.

I have read many stories about what regrets people have when they are on their final years. What things they wish they had done and what decisions they hoped to have made. We all have regrets, one way or another. Is human nature. We are never satisfied with what we do or what we have, and always want to get more out of anything we do.

Regret is one of those things we cannot control. We regret not doing things that may have put us in a different path in our lives. We may have ended up better, or worst. We simply don't know. And that is the intrinsic truth about life: No matter what your choices are, you will never know what outcome it would have had in your life, hence you cannot really know if you had lived a better life of that which you lived. Quite the dilemma if you asked me.

Throughout my adulthood, I have generally worried about death, and more specifically about me dying. Not for what awaits for me on 'the other side', whatever you make of that, but for what I am leaving behind. For my existence, my sense of being, my consciousness, and for my family. For those who will remain on this earth living their lives and remembering those who are gone for good. I will be gone, for good, and most likely will never again have that sense of existing and being here now. But again, I won't know, so can't tell. Quite another dilemma.

I am not perfect. I have a million flaws. I am not a perfect father, husband, son, brother or friend. But I try. I try to do good and to give a good example to my kids. I try to live by basic principles and do my best to be better every day. My wife can tell you I am not perfect, but she can also tell you that I work hard for my family and everybody around me.

I do not hope for things to happen to me, I do not have blind faith in an unwritten future that will give me happiness and satisfaction for the things I have done in my life. A blind and false sense of retribution for being a good person. Redemption.

I don't believe in chance. I don't believe in luck either.

I put in the work.

I put in the hours.

I feel the pain in every run.

I feel the discomfort in every stroke of the pedals.

I feel the sleepless nights when my kids are sick.

I feel the pain of seeing my kids crying.

I feel the long drives taking my kid to her competitions.

I feel the pain of not having my parents with me.

I feel the fire in me every time I am racing.

I feel ....... everything.

And is that feeling what makes me have hope for the future. Not for something that has to be given, but something that has to be earned. Nothing worth having comes easy.

You can be miserable if you choose to. You can bury yourself in sorrow and complain about the life you have lived and the regrets you may have about the things you never did. But you will never know what would have been of you if you had taken that path. Most likely you would regret that too. Is a vicious cycle, to which you have no answer to.

Whatever you do, be the best you can be. Whatever you decide to pursue in life, give it all. Whatever happens when you decide to do something, embrace it and make it the best you possibly can.

Make mistakes, but learn from them. That is the one regret I can accept as being my own fault.

Is not about the storm. After all, the sun always shines at some point, and today ........ it shines for me.

I am not out of the woods yet. I am in middle ground. Fighting my demons, but wanting to be better. I will get there. Just not yet.

Now go and listen to Johnny Nash, and have a great day!.

Thanks for reading.